2¢ Christmas, What the bleep was that?!

Gremlins

Billy’s (Zach Galligan) dad has gotten him a new pet for Christmas, a Mogwai. The little critter comes with three very simple, very important instructions:

  1. No exposure to bright lights and especially not sunlight, or the Mogwai dies.
  2. Don’t get it wet.
  3. Don’t feed it after midnight.
    Naturally, all three rules are broken in quick succession. They have to be or there wouldn’t be a story.
    If the furby-like creature gets wet, it multiplies in a Biblical fashion. And if it gets fed after midnight, it cocoons itself and comes out the other side transformed into a demonic gremlin. The gremlins quickly multiply, go out of control, and nearly destroys the entire town. It will take nothing short of a Christmas miracle to save the day.

This is a weird little movie. Was Chris Columbus on crack when he wrote this?! And when Furbies came out how many kids named theirs Gizmo?

This movie felt kinda like a demented mix of Ghostbusters and Star Wars except that’s an insult to two amazing movies. The gremlins are like evil Yodas with the spirit of Gozer inside of them. Gizmo was the best character in the entire thing. If there needs to be family-friendly horror, Gremlins is the perfect blueprint. It’s crazy and scary without being satanic. The House with a Clock in its Walls writers should’ve been taking notes.
There’s several uses of damn, paired once or twice with God’s name, several uses of what the hell, exclamations of Christ and Jesus. Ass and asshole are also used. One person winds up dead, but there’s no blood.

I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. I prefer ET or Jurassic Park over this one. It’s not a movie I’d watch to get into the Christmas Spirit, but that’s just me. You can stream it now on HBO Max.

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